Love Purpose Salvation struggles

At All Costs

I am a deeply private person…let me rephrase that…I used to be a deeply private person.  There were very few people that I opened up to in a sincere manner.  My wife, my parents, and my brother were really the only people that I would trust with personal, private issues.  I wanted to protect and control what people knew about me. 

When I purchased this domain, I was not sure why I did it.  I had originally planned to make it a generic website, not one that applied specifically to me.  I mean, it isn’t anyone else’s business except mine, right?  I should have a right to my privacy, especially since I was diagnosed with a chronic disease that has no cure.  Isn’t the point to make things easier for myself?  I can’t walk without crutches, so shouldn’t I be able to control how people see me struggle on my terms.  I remember receiving a very clear message as I was having some quiet time with God. 

“No” was the answer that I heard very clearly.  Since this was a very confusing message to receive, I knew that this had to be one with multiple interpretations.  I asked for clarification.  He simplified the response for me.  This time, I heard “NO” very clearly.  I was thankful for receiving the clarification, and that answer has shaped my outlook on everything ever since.

I had been looking for control over my life.  The problem with this is that I was forgetting that my life is not mine.  It belongs to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  He uses our lives within His Plan, whether or not it is convenient for us.  I see now that convenience and comfort are two of the biggest obstacles in our walks with Christ.  We wish to control how people see us.  Take Facebook for example.  I am just as guilty as anyone of just posting the best pictures of our family vacation.  I fail to include a picture of my daughter having a meltdown in the morning while my wife tries to calm her down with crazy morning hair (sorry honey).  

Acts 20:24 says it best for me, as it states “However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me–the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.”

I have to remind myself of this as I start to write.  It isn’t about what I want to say, but about what God wants to say through me.  I look forward to diving into some real things that I am continuing to learn through this wonderful journey with which God has entrusted me.  I have to finish the race and complete the task the Jesus has given me, at all costs.


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